


Hottie With a Booty

by MaxSara



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Bill Cipher - Freeform, Cannibalism, Cipher Family aka feels, Dipper Pines - Freeform, Drugs, Existential Crisis, F/F, F/M, High School AU, M/M, Mabel Pines - Freeform, Mild S&M, Muuurder time, Narnia, Other, Pranks, Sewing, pls no angst, stop me, tyrone is alive suckers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 04:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxSara/pseuds/MaxSara
Summary: Gravity Falls, once a peaceful and hopeful tow- ups wrong fandom. *Ahem* Gravity Falls was yet to accept the fact that the town wasn't innocent nor peaceful. Drugs like Master or TMMT was everywhere, especially in the schools. Then there was the new Cipher family, with their weird hair colour and even weirder personality. And then there was a serial killer on the loose, who ate his victims. Yup, life is just glitter and blowjobs.Just mix Gravity Falls with murder, cannibalism, drugs, a lot of swear words, my shitty writing, and a lot of seeewing, yeah sewing.





	Hottie With a Booty

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while... But there is a reason, it's called: I felt like what I was writing was shit... But then I realised... fuck it all mayn.

Bill Cipher. The school’s douchebag and prankster. An idiot. He had a dick for a brain. His head was either in another dimension or whispering sweet nothings in Dipper’s ears, just so he could laugh at the blushing boy. Dipper had hoped, that the popular Bill Cipher would leave him alone, but no, shit doesn’t always go like you want it. For example, right now Dipper was butt naked, in Bill Cipher’s bedroom, and to say it mildly; wasted. He knew he shouldn’t have eaten those brownies. 

 

“Hay, cawn yuw caul Mabyl?” Dipper asked the jock. Hoping, begging, that he would help Dipper in his distressed state. Of course, Dipper was expecting the worst. 

 

“I literally can’t understand a single word you’re saying,” well, the worst was expected. And through Dipper’s drunk state, he could hear Bill laughing at him.

 

“Stahp laughting ath meh!” Bill flinched, and for a moment his shit-eating smirk was gone, but it came back bigger and stronger than it was before ,  if that was even possible. It made Dipper furious for some weird reason. “Stahp!!!”

  
  


“Omg, you’re so frickin cute, man!” He was howling with laughter at this point.

 

“I’rll kall you!” Dipper gave him his best death glare, a death glare he, himself knew resembled a puppy. And by the look of Bill’s widening eyes and smile, he noticed too.

 

“Bill, there you are! I’ve bee- Is that Dipper Pines!?” Her voice was like knives against his sensitive ears.

 

“Halp meh, Pafica!” He shouted, and tears began to gather in his eyes, “Bill’ssss an arssssse.”

 

“How much did he drink!?” Dipper grabbed his head, her voice echoing in his head, for a moment he thought he would die , voices, screams, and the sound of police sirens attacked his ears as one painfully loud sound. Then everything went black.

  
  
  


**********

  
  
  


“So, you remember nothing?” The police officer asked for what Dipper thought was the 27th time, he had lost count after 14. 

 

“Nah, not a single thing,” he answered truthfully.

 

“Not a single thing?” The question almost made Dipper cry, “how much pot was in those brownies…”

 

“Good question man, I was so wasted,” the officer stared at him, which only made the situation even more awkward. Here was Dipper, straight A student _(except P.E, fuck P.E, man)_ , a part of the school council, and favoured  by many teachers, even the principal. But the policeman knew him, or to be exact his family, or to be more (than necessary) exact Mabel and his grunkle Stan. His sister and grunkle was like this very fucked up team, that just loved to do illegal stuff. It could vary from irritating the employees to steal police files for blackmailing. And yes, that was oddly specific for a reason, but they did it for a good cause. “You probably already know this, but I didn’t know there was shit in those brownies.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve been told that many times today, and um, well, you can go to your family now.” He didn’t have to tell Dipper twice, before anyone could count to three he was up and out. His family was waiting for him, considering their grunts and nods, they were ready to leave this shithole called a ‘police station’. 

 

“Dipper, why didn’t you stop me from going to that ducking party on a Thursday night with school the next day!?” Mabel exclaimed waving her hand around like she just didn’t care. Kinda reminded Dipper of that one song.

 

“I tried! But you said Pacifical was coming! And then I thought: “Holy shit, Pacifical is coming with her  _ fine ass _ !” And I am telling you, I was convinced, that this was gonna be a good day! No, a marvellous day!” Dipper had somehow in the middle of his rant joined his sister in waving his hands around like some maniac. People were staring at him and for ones, he didn’t give a shit. 

 

Behind them, a familiar laughter could be heard: “Guys, you look like mad chickens!” 

 

“Pacifica!? Why!?” Mabel fell on her knees, like some weird ass drama queen. Her hands were held high, waiting for Jesus to just take her far, far away. 

 

“I think what my sister is trying to ask, is why didn’t you stop us?” 

 

“It was you guys’ idea!?” She gave them the look. The ‘I told you it’s a bad idea’ look. 

 

“Kids, let’s just go home,” Stan grumbled, looking older than time itself, and before Dipper’s wasted self could make theories about whether or not time actually existed, Stan said something he wouldn’t have said merrily a couple months, no, weeks ago: “Need a ride, Pacifica?” 

 

“Thanks, Grunkle Stan, but Bill is giving me a ride home,” Pacifica’s genuine smile warmed even Dipper’s cold heartless heart, and yes, that does make sense.

 

“You sure about that?” Grunkle Stan nodded towards Bill direction. Bill, who was talking to an officer. Bill who wasn’t wearing pants, how that happened, Dipper did not know, nor did he want to . “He seems pretty drunk to me.”

 

“I have a brilliant idea!” Mabel exclaimed, her smile was too wide for anyone’s safety. “Let’s take him with us...” Not too bad an idea actually. “And strap him to the car luggage rack!” 

 

“Mabel that’s a fuc- ahem, ducking bad idea!” Dipper shouted, gaining more attention than before. “Let’s do it!” Stan nodded encouragingly, already getting his camera ready.

 

“Um, guys I don’t th-” Pacifica was interrupted by Bill moaning; “Pacifica, baby, let’s go home and have fun~” By Pacifica's reddening cheeks and rageful eyes, she hissed out with the voices of thousand snakes: “That motherfucker is going down.”

 


End file.
